haven’t been writing bout how I really feel this past few days… or weeks. I thought Id write more if I restrain myself from talking about it with my friends.. it seems otherwise. Ive been holding through it all by myself. and now I pity myself. ’twas like I was alone in this gigantic world. Ive always had the same problem.. siguro ako talaga yung problem and not the people around me.. salamat na lang sa HS friends, at least they try to.. reach out. can’t tell them much though. I’ve been drowning myself and yes, maybe I am wallowing in misery. who cares? How can I do what everybody else wanted me to do? how can I just forgive and forget when the things that happened caused me to isolate myself from others. way back in high school I’ve learned that there 4 things that you cannot take back. one of them is SPOKEN WORD. what’s been said is said. no apologies can make it okay. I am dying in misery. I know I have to move on. to let go. easier said than done aint it? but what makes it worse is the feeling that I was dumped into a quicksand, and they watch me as I was being pulled under that thick mud. so I’ve been answering “how are yous”, all of which I answered “im okay” none of which I meant , and no one even noticed. cause maybe, when someone asked you “how are you” they don’t really want an answer. what do they want? I dunno. so Im just ranting about how I pity myself and how I hate the people around me. senseless. people are selfish. at least people around me are. including me.
Archive for wrecked
Lost and – when will I be found?
I saw a note on my cellphone dated June 22, 2009 9:51pm ,it says:
maybe I expect too much from people around me, because often, I find myself disappointed in them.
true enough, I expect too much from people. and so last August 9, 2009 at 10:45pm another note says:
maybe this is being rude or being harsh or simply being evil as I claim it, but each day I realize that being emotionally away from some people somehow do me good. There are times (a lot of times actually) that I feel so alone and taken for granted and then one day it came to me that maybe the reason is because I am too attached to people, and so whenever they try to live their lives without me in it, I feel so lonely. so I thought I need to love myself more and care about being with other people less. because I took the “no man is an island” saying seriously. it caused me so many lonely nights. so starting today instead of drowning with self-pity, I will live my life with limitations. I don’t care what people say, even my friends. doesn’t mean I love them less, just loving myself more, the weird way
P.S. another thing: Blood is indeed thicker than water.
so, I am not myself this past few days. I don’t exactly know why. I got pissed with a lot of people and they probably got pissed at me too. I messed up. It was like a roller coaster ride. the feeling just got in to me. I was just trying to have fun and some people took their sh*ts out on me. it’s unfair. I felt so bad. and so I did the same thing. I bitched out. I’m sorry. gawd. I dunno what to do anymore =(
so much for so-called friends.
I slept with a heavy heart last night. and I started my day really great today )
A certain song made my day. smile. BIGTIME.
then I dunno if some people are so absorbed with their own happiness that they want to ruin my happy struggling day.
At least the song made me happy. and you’re supposed to be the one doing that-trying to make me happy, considering you call yourself my friend.
hmp.
howler
I dunno if I was even caught off guard. I was I think though deep inside I know that I’ve been expecting it.
I’ve been hurt too many times but my heart refuses to be numb. I still can feel every pain. every smile feels like a knife that stabs. every hug is like an electric charge and every freaking kiss feels like hot mud from a volcanic eruption.
I cannot do this anymore. I used to think that maybe, you are mine, that faith might have brought you to me because it felt like you’re everything. I was fooled.
the positive motivating force of my life refused to stay
I won’t be waiting in the wings
my forever found his
fighting the urge to let tears fall
terribly hurting
dysfunctional
can’t breathe
needs ice cream
masochist
it’s you.
the truth is..
I am the boring girl with a not so pretty face
the shy gal with butt-hip gale
the could’ve been wonderful girlfriend.
she’s this glamorous girl with an ugly face
the bedstrip gal with a sexy bod
the sweet girlfriend of his past, present and future.
he’s one man with nothing special except that he has been the love of my life since forever.
and he’s using that word to describe her.
so this is how pain feels.
pick me, choose me, love me
plurk it up!
