Archive for Mind-boggling

emo thoughts for the night

{ September 16, 2009 @ 5:47 pm } · { I heart you, I want you, Maria Paula, Mind-boggling }
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I have always wondered how it would feel if we were standing on the same soil, sometimes when my imagination goes on for another mile I also wonder how good it’d be if we were standing next to each other.

and if my mind wanders even more I would hope that someday MY dreams would become OUR reality.

I would wish to see you leave the house for work, to see you kiss that little boy goodbye, to hear you whisper a name sealed by a sweet hug, to see you looking through the mirror of my soul, then it couldn’t feel any better.

but for tonight I only wish for one thing…

I wish we could share the same bed to sleep on and continue dreaming our soon-to-be-reached dreams :)

cuddling is also acceptable

cuddling is also acceptable

pagod=miss (T____T)

{ September 10, 2009 @ 1:25 am } · { college, doodling, friends, Maria Paula, Mind-boggling }
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oo. napapagod na talaga ko. nagsasawa na. buong high school at college life ko andami kong friends. andaming obligations, andaming dapat gawin. andaming dapat sabihin. iniisip ko kahapon kung ano ba ang feeling ng walang friend, malungkot syempre. haay.

kasalanan talaga to ng isang tao e. nananahimik akong nag-e-emo dahil aalis na ang first-slash-only love ko tapos babanatan ako ng kung anu-ano. alam kaya nya yung feeling non. alam mo yung feeling na nahhurt ka tapos sa dinami dami ng friends mo, wala man lang nagrereply- ang sakit nun, dagdag sa sakit na narramdaman mo. pero yung tinanggap mo na na walang magrereply at nakiusap ka na lang na wag sila magsawa sa pagbabasa ng heart aches mo, tapos chaka may nagreply at sinabi -hindi lang sinabi kundi pinamukha sayo na KASALANAN MO, ano pang feeling nun? alam kong kasalanan ko, pero ano bang alam nya? alam nya ba kung gano kakumplikado yung sitwasyon? hindi naman sa lahat ng oras pwede mong sundin yung magpapasaya sayo. sabi siguro nung iba ang babaw ko para magalit dahil lang sa mga sinabi nya, oo na. mababaw na ko. pero galit pa din ako. oo galit ako. ayoko na makipagusap. kaya ayoko na ng friends, dahil kone-konektado silang lahat. ayoko na. napapagod na ko umiyak ng mag isa. napapagod na kong sabihin na sana katabi ko sila pag nalulungkot ako. napapagod na kong umasa na may dadamay saken. napapagod na talaga ko.

ang pathetic ng feeling kasi salita ka ng salita tapos kundi criticism, blangko ang reply sayo. masama bang manghingi ng comfort? bakit feeling ko kapag sila ang may kailangan saken ibinibigay ko naman ang sarili ko? feeling ko mabuti naman akong friend. o feeling lang talaga ako? hindi ako perpektong kaibigan pero at least nag aalala ko, at least tinatry kong replyan ang bawat hinaing nila, at least nagiisip ako kung pano sila sasaya, at least iniisip ko muna kung masasaktan sila sa sasabihin ko o hindi.

napapagod lang talaga ko, pero di ko naman sila kayang bitawan e.. hindi kasi ako ganon.  kaya nga ako naiinis pag di sila nagrereply, dahil hindi naman ako ganon.

ayokong isipin na tama si Aris, iniisip ko na lang na busy tayong lahat at maraming mas mahalagang bagay kesa sa  pagparty, pero napapagod na kong isipin yun..  hindi na applicable ang WHAT ARE FRIENDS ARE FOR. nakakapagod lang talaga. napapagod lang talaga ko.  =((

the one that got away

{ August 17, 2009 @ 3:49 pm } · { Maria Paula, Mind-boggling }
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I was watching *Funny People* when Adam Sandler said the phrase “the one that got away”.

and I thought, can I call him that? my the-one-that-got-away?

I sure hope not. because I still want to think that he hasn’t got away yet.

Am I pathetic or not? can’t blame me eh? I don’t even know if this love. but years.. I dunno.

Lost and – when will I be found?

{ August 11, 2009 @ 5:03 am } · { family, friends, Maria Paula, Mind-boggling, wrecked }
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I saw a note on my cellphone dated June 22, 2009 9:51pm ,it says:

maybe I expect too much from people around me, because often, I find myself disappointed in them.

true enough, I expect too much from people. and so last August 9, 2009 at 10:45pm another note says:

maybe this is being rude or being harsh or simply being evil as I claim it, but each day I realize that being emotionally away from some people somehow do me good. There are times (a lot of times actually) that I feel so alone and taken for granted and then one day it came to me that maybe the reason is because I am too attached to people, and so whenever they try to live their lives without me in it, I feel so lonely. so I thought I need to love myself more and care about being with other people less. because I took the “no man is an island” saying seriously. it caused me so many lonely nights. so starting today instead of drowning with self-pity, I will live my life with limitations. I don’t care what people say, even my friends. doesn’t mean I love them less, just loving myself more, the weird way :)

P.S. another thing: Blood is indeed thicker than water.

so, I am not myself this past few days. I don’t exactly know why. I got pissed with a lot of people and they probably got pissed at me too. I messed up. It was like a roller coaster ride. the feeling just got in to me. I was just trying to have fun and some people took their sh*ts out on me.  it’s unfair. I felt so bad. and so I did the same thing. I bitched out. I’m sorry. gawd. I dunno what to do anymore =(

the truth is..

{ July 23, 2009 @ 11:43 am } · { Mind-boggling, wrecked }
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I am the boring girl with a not so pretty face

the shy gal with butt-hip gale

the could’ve been wonderful girlfriend.

she’s this glamorous girl with an ugly face

the bedstrip gal with a sexy bod

the sweet girlfriend of his past, present and future.

he’s one man with nothing special except that he has been the love of my life since forever.

and he’s using that word to describe her.

so this is how pain feels.

losing grip

{ June 2, 2009 @ 2:16 am } · { Maria Paula, Mind-boggling }
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I feel like I’m losing track of everything.
sense
direction
and most especially time.
my world has turned upside down. like LITERALLY.

I’m still not sure what to do. I’m still confused to the point of being derange.
or maybe it’s just the caffeine sinking in.
or maybe I should just sleep this off.

good night.
oh I’m sorry. good morning I mean ^____^

Immorality spelled as XY. No. Not really.

{ May 21, 2009 @ 6:45 pm } · { Mind-boggling }
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I can’t seem to find my way to slumberland. the word Morality keeps running through my head..

Morality – descriptively to refer to a code of conduct put forward by a society (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy -http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/morality-definition/)

The word Morality came from the Latin word “Moralitas” which means manner, character or proper behavior. it is a doctrine of moral conduct or virtue. Virtue basically means “the standard of right” – THE STANDARD of right.

Morality is a virtue. it is a code of conduct SET BY THE  SOCIETY. a mere standard of what is right and what is wrong. basically, what is right is moral, and what is wrong is immoral? is that it?

so now, state things that are immoral, hmm. Adultery? Homosexuality?  how about the concept of LOVE? Isn’t Love intertwined with Adultery and such?

ouch. brainfreeze.

SRSLY. What the freaking heck is Morality? and Immorality?

in pursuit of enlightenment. I googled “Immorality” and as I rummaged through the pages this is what I saw:

 

They are the innocent victims of Immorality

They are the innocent victims of Immorality

Now, that. that is confusing (>___<)

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